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A young woman felt disrespected whenever her boyfriend looked at nude magazines, went to strip clubs, or watched internet pornography. Much of the time his behavior remained hidden, but he would admit to it if his girlfriend confronted him. He continued doing these activities despite the fact that he knew it disgusted his girlfriend and caused her to feel undesirable. She also suspected he was masturbating when he was on the web, but he would never admit to that.
Masturbation is a common practice among pornography enthusiasts. Hiding the activity may be due to others’ objections; in contrast, one deep-seated reason is probably due to shame. Even the most liberal person has some degree of embarrassment concerning sexual activities. It is a core belief system which is taught to us by our parents during our formative years. Parents with traditional values teach their kids that A) sex is for marriage between a male and female, and B) pornography is bad, avoid it. When children are raised in a more permissive family system they could develop sexual ideas which will cause them problems in the future, since most individuals have a conventional outlook on sexual conduct. Sometimes a child’s environment becomes terribly destructive if they are sexually abused. This leads to endless therapy once they become adults. (While you know, our prison system houses many sexual predators.)
Sexual activities in most forms produce a myriad of conscious feelings and additionally a multitude of sub-conscious thoughts. Since most of our behavior is guided by our sub-conscious, our actions may be hard to understand. People often spend months in therapy examining their conduct before they get to the root of their behavior. Once they finally reach the underlying source, the most frequent reason for participating in pornographic activities is fear. Surprised it was not sex? Almost all people think pornography (from the mildest to the most explicit) will be close to sex. Even though it may appear that way on the outside, internally it really is all about fear. This is because fear is just one of the most powerful motivating forces lurking in the human psyche. Our society tells us we have to look, act, smell, and think in a particular fashion as a way to possess the one thing we crave the most: intimacy with another person. Look-at the marketing and advertising world: Sex is a tremendous product seller, adult content as well as for what reason? So someone else will think you are worthy of their affection! Folks that don’t have “it”, what ever It is, don’t measure up. As a result, we have been forced to locate other ways to feel good.
Most people who participate in pornographic activity are living in anxiety about intimacy. It’s much simpler to have a relationship with a picture than to look someone straight within the eyes and express deep feelings. The trust factor can be overwhelming to a person who’s fearful. Any behavior that’s thought to be unacceptable only causes more fear and hiding. The tension can destroy a relationship. As such, what do you do? Provide the person some space to relax. Focus on the qualities you admire, and ignore what you don’t like. Express gratitude for the good you see in others (you may always find it if you look hard enough). Allowing people to be who they may be will create an environment of love and acceptance, which in turn will give a safe atmosphere where others can share their true emotions. This might feel awkward from the beginning, because we are conditioned to look for negativity. On the flip side, with commitment and patience, the final results are well worth the effort. The practice of allowing others to be who they can be will reduce stress and bring joy into your lives.
