by Joanna Herrera, PsyD, RPsy
(Clinical Psychologist and Executive Director of Circle of Hope Community Services, Inc.)
Brain science, which has seen amazing advances over the past four decades, has made it undeniably clear that happiness and wellbeing can only become stronger in our lives through practice. While there are genetic factors that create some sort of an individual “baseline” level of happiness (i.e. biological influences that affect how we experience and manage our emotions), neural pathways in our brain are shaped and reinforced by what we experience. These pathways have been found to be neuroplastic or changeable over the course of our life. They are built and strengthened through repeated experiences, in other words, through practice.
Unhealthy habits, such as addiction, distraction, and disconnection, negatively impact on our wellbeing. Most of these habits are part of our day-to-day lives that over time we have mindlessly accepted as our “normal.” By addictions, we don’t have to refer to the obviously harmful. We are all vulnerable to addictions or habits of unconscious living that we get stuck with despite adverse impact on our health and wellbeing. Work addiction, for example, tends to be pervasive because society generally lauds striving and ambition. Hence, our environment (i.e. family and workplace cultures) provides the reward that can thicken the neural pathways of work addiction, sometimes leading to chronic stress and burnout. Yet another habit that can gnaw on our wellbeing is distraction. Since the advent of smartphones, we have become better multi-taskers, great at hopping from one object of focus to another. Research on digital stress at University of California-Irvine has shown that attention shifting is happening more rapidly, from an average computer screen concentration time of 3 minutes in 2004 down to 1 minute and 15 seconds in 2012. For most young people who belong to the iGeneration, screen concentration time is at a mere average of 45 seconds. There is a huge cost to these habits of distraction. Our attention weakens and fragments to the point that we are unable to utilize our deeper intelligence and creativity. Our habits of staying “wired” or “plugged in”, even for social reasons, might also leave us little room for moments of internal awareness and reflection. When we lose touch with our real selves, we also most certainly lose the capacity to tune in to others.
With the dawning of a New Decade, we have in our own hands, the knowledge and opportunity to create the transformation that allows us to gain the happiness that we seek and to cultivate it for people around us. As the leading neuroscientist, Dr. Richard Davidson has said, “Wellbeing is a skill.” Brain science tells us that our happiness is not a matter of luck, nor is it even a matter of belief. It is about what we practice. What we practice moment-to-moment in our everyday lives grows stronger. If we practice addiction, distraction, or disconnection, these grow stronger. In the same vein, if we practice wellbeing and happiness, these states of being deepen and become more stable in our lives. In times of difficulty and suffering, the stability of our practice will hold us together. Though waves of pain might come, we will have in our power the resilience to surf these waves gracefully. We need to practice our way into our own good luck. It is through our practice that we can move mountains.
As the New Decade welcomes us, allow us to share with you practices of wellbeing that we have learned, together with our adolescent cancer patients and their parents who make up the Circle of Hope Community at the Philippine General Hospital. We have been nurturing these practices together these past 4 years, and in return, it has grounded us as one compassionate, courageous, and hopeful community in the midst of much pain and suffering. While you might not be suffering from a serious illness and living with the strain of economic hardship, we all experience suffering in some form or another. We hope these practices will give you the same wonderful gifts that it has given us as we all walk on together to 2020.
Three C’s of Wellbeing: Conscious Awareness, Compassion, and Community
Conscious Inner Awareness (Loob)
Our smartphones are here to stay. But we have the choice to reduce and re-use distraction into moments of awareness. Conscious awareness means pausing and slowing down enough to connect with what is happening inside of ourselves and outside of us in the NOW. Waking up in the morning, we can pause for a few moments of noticing our body, our sensations, our emotions instead of rushing out of the bed into the frenzied workday ahead. We can also gently call upon an intention by asking ourselves, what will make this day meaningful? How can I live this day in a way that fulfills my purpose for living? As we walk to enter our workplace, we can take mindful steps as a practice of grounding ourselves to act and think in ways that are consistent with our deepest values. We can take short mindful breaks throughout the day, even only for a few seconds, of being conscious of our breathing. These habits of being in the now give us the opportunity to live our life as it is happening, not in the past or the future that don’t exist. We can also never be too busy to be aware because mindlessness has serious consequences on our decisions and long-term productivity. There is a reason why elite athletes and CEO’s train in mindfulness. What helps them experience deeper wellbeing also makes them the best professionals they can be.
Compassion—The Gift of Brokenness and Vulnerability (Kapwa)
Our typical notion of compassion consists of the “self to other” direction. Yet, in order for compassion to be complete and effective, it has to include the self. The practice of self-compassion has been the subject of research, pioneered by Dr. Kristin Neff. Self-compassion is about including ourselves in the circle of care and by doing so fuel our ability to sustain caring for others. What we are told when we board an aircraft is a really helpful reminder—”You need to put your oxygen mask on first before assisting others.” At the heart of practicing self-compassion is forgiving ourselves for being imperfect. Our striving to be perfect, to be special, to do great things often leaves very little room for acknowledging our true nature, that is, being human. Being human means, we will make mistakes and that we live in a condition of inescapable brokenness and vulnerability. We interpret all of this as “weakness.” When, in fact, the brain recognizes mistakes as opportunities to strengthen neural connection and to think creatively. There is awe-inspiring “Collateral Beauty” in our humanity, as the 2016 film by David Frankel shows. One of our teens so beautifully expressed this message during a support group session, “It’s not that I wanted to have cancer, but it has been the way for me to experience this deep quality of connectedness and what it means to be alive.” The collateral beauty to serious illness was the opening of another door to happiness and meaning. The practice then is learning more and more to turn to ourselves with love and forgiveness when we feel we’ve messed up or when we find ourselves in a hard place. It’s opening ourselves to the possibility of giving up the “storyline” of being this strong and perfect person or living this ideal life, so that we can finally be with the rest of our human pack. Leaning into vulnerability is the real face of courage because it is in this supple state that we are able to humbly say, “we don’t know it all.” And that’s when we truly learn and grow. Without a doubt, once we have felt the impact of living with ourselves in a compassionate way, compassion for others will flow naturally and more effortlessly, like striking upon an underground well.
Community (Diwa)
People who live in wholesome, healthy, and supportive communities have better physical health than those who don’t (i.e. Roseto Effect). Support groups are at the heart of the Circle of Hope Community in PGH and these have allowed patients, parents, and workers to experience the reality of cancer from a dramatically different perspective—that of togetherness and mutual support. We all awaken to being in “the same boat” with each other, which taps into a very deep sense of comfort and hope. When you are part of a beloved community that cares about you, there is a feeling of solidity even when things “go wrong.” The hope comes from the heart of our unity, not in the promise of results or expected outcomes. What we have learned is that, we can all benefit from a support group. Support groups are not only for people with mental or physical illnesses, they have something to offer each and every person. The practice of community is building support groups all around us. And while support groups do not have to be set up formally, they do have to be cultivated intentionally. Our families, friendships, and workplaces are the very place to create these “support groups” because it is in these places where most of our lives are lived. Practices of deep listening and loving communication are some of the best ways to nurture connection and community. The key is in shifting our mindset of being with others from the goal of getting attention to that of paying attention.
We are all in this Circle of Hope and we wish everyone a New Decade abundant in wellbeing and happiness!
Resources for Cultivating Wellbeing:
Insight Timer- free mobile app for mindfulness practice
www.selfcompassion.org- research-based self-compassion practices by Dr. Kristin Neff
www.workthatreconnects.org- community mindfulness practices