A young woman felt disrespected whenever her boyfriend looked at nude magazines, went to strip clubs, or watched internet pornography. Quite often his behavior remained hidden, but he would admit to it if his girlfriend confronted him. He continued doing these activities even though he knew it disgusted his girlfriend and caused her to feel undesirable. She also suspected he was masturbating when he was on the net, but he would never admit to that.

Masturbation is a common practice among pornography enthusiasts. Hiding the activity can be due to others’ objections; on the contrary, one deep-seated reason is probably due to shame. Even the most liberal person has some level of embarrassment concerning sexual activities. It is a core belief system that’s taught to us by our parents during our formative years. Parents with traditional values teach their kids that A) sex is for marriage between a male and female, and B) pornography is bad, avoid it. When children are raised in a more permissive family system they may develop sexual ideas which will cause them problems in the foreseeable future, since the majority of people have a regular outlook on sexual conduct. Sometimes a child’s environment becomes terribly destructive whenever they are sexually abused. This leads to endless therapy when they become adults. (As you know, our prison system houses many sexual predators.)

Sexual activities in most forms produce a myriad of conscious feelings and additionally a multitude of sub-conscious thoughts. Since most of our behavior is guided by our sub-conscious, our actions can be challenging to understand. People often spend months in therapy examining their conduct before they get to the root of their behavior. Once they finally reach the underlying source, the most frequent reason behind taking part in pornographic activities is fear. Surprised it wasn’t sex? Most of the people think pornography (from the mildest to the most explicit) is approximately sex. Even though it may appear that way on the outside, internally it’s all about fear. This really is because fear is one of the most powerful motivating forces lurking within the human psyche. Our society tells us we have to look, great adult movie act, smell, and think in a particular fashion in order to have the one thing we crave the most: intimacy with another person. Look-at the marketing and advertising world: Sex is a big product seller, as well as for what reason? So someone else will think you are worthy of their affection! Folks that do not have “it”, whatever It’s, do not measure up. For this reason, we are forced to locate other ways to feel good.

Most folks who participate in pornographic activity are living in anxiety about intimacy. It’s much easier to have a relationship with a picture than to look someone straight within the eyes and express deep feelings. The trust factor can be overwhelming to a person who is fearful. Any behavior which is thought to be unacceptable only causes more fear and hiding. The tension can destroy a relationship. For this reason, what do you do? Give the person some space to relax. Pay attention to the qualities you admire, and ignore what you do not like. Express gratitude for the good you see in others (you may always find it if you look hard enough). Allowing people to be who they’re will create an environment of love and acceptance, which in turn will give a safe atmosphere where others can share their true emotions. This might feel awkward at first, because we are conditioned to look for negativity. On the other hand, with commitment and patience, the final results are well worth the effort. The practice of allowing others to be who they are will reduce stress and bring joy into your lives.